Self awareness
Your Standards Get Tired Before You Do
You don't feel tired. That's the problem. It's 7:47 and you're having one of those mornings. Waiting when you should wait. Acting when you should act. This is how trading is supposed to feel.
Self awareness
Risk Management
You Start Skipping the Work That Got You Here
Three good days. Not spectacular. But good. Green Monday. Green Tuesday. Green Wednesday. Usually this is when you go back through the trades. But tonight the charts will still be there tomorrow.
Self awareness
You Start Fudging the Journal
Bad day. Really bad day. You reach for the trading journal. Open to a clean page. Write the date. Twirl the pen. Then write: Poor discipline today. Overtraded. Need to follow the plan better. Except your pen is still in your hand. Because that's not quite what happened.
Risk Management
You Start Losing Money You Never Made
March 23, 2020. The market is moving fast. Really fast. COVID has turned normal trading days into something else. You're watching ESM20. And you're watching one level in particular. 2175.
Risk Management
You Start Remembering Yourself Differently
You flip back through the notebook. Three months. Six months. A year. Charts glued to pages with a glue stick you swiped from your 4-year-old. Then you stop. There's an entry you don't remember writing. Good day. Stayed with the plan. Huh.
Risk Management
You Start Trading to Get Back to Even
Fifteen minutes before the close. You're down $50. One quick scalp. ES is moving. You don't need much. One point. Two contracts. Make back the fifty. Shut it down. Finish the day flat.
Self awareness
You Start Keeping Two Scoreboards
Friday afternoon. Best week you've had in months. +$1,840. Your wife walks by. Good week? Yeah. Pretty good. And it was. That's one scoreboard. But later that evening something about the week is still bothering you.
Self awareness
You Start Making Exceptions for Yourself
The note is taped to the top of your monitor. You wrote it yourself. NO TRADES FIRST 15 MINUTES. It's 9:37. Eight minutes to go. Then something starts moving.
Self awareness
You Start Moving The Goalposts
Sunday night. You open your notebook. Fresh page. At the top you write: Goal: $300. Nothing crazy. Sixty dollars a day. Five days. You close the notebook. Friday afternoon you look at the number. +$75. And somehow that becomes a good week.
Self awareness
You Start Hiding How Much Trading Matters to You
You're sitting at dinner. Someone asks how the trading is going. You keep cutting your food. It's fine. Making any money? You shrug. Some. Then you change the subject. A few hours later the house is quiet and your notebook is open beside the keyboard.
Self awareness
You Start Trading the Outcome
Your setup appears. You've been waiting all morning. Entry, stop, size — it all matches your plan. You take the trade. Your stop gets hit. Down $400. Everything was where it was supposed to be. A thought appears. What did I do wrong?
Self awareness
You Start Needing to Know
The market hasn't opened yet. Coffee in one hand. Mouse in the other. Your setup is already there. You know your plan. Still you keep looking. Just one more thing. Maybe one more chart will make the decision easier.